Truth is, I feel shameful, pretty much humiliated. I was hoping for something better. But I guess it all just ilussions. They said, you can’t keep banging your head over and over again into a closed door. It wasn’t its fault to be closed, you are the one who needs to back off.
I love eri. I care for him and I don’t wanna see him sad. But he keeps ruining me. The way he treated me was very bad. So I guess the time comes for me to erase him permanently off my life. Though I still don’t know if I could do it or not. I don’t wanna get stucked in his love life, his customed love. I hate him. I understand he won’t give up on chasing that girl. It just to me he looked so pathetic, that’s all. I don’t understand him. With all that pains and hurts, he keeps sacrificing him self to all those who are not really deserve him.
But that is love anyway. Don’t count on me. I am just a broken hearted woman falling for a silly man whom I thought a merry perfect prince. My eyes, my bad really.
Now that I am torn, humiliated, hurt, dissappointed, and very sad. It all because my pride. I cannot back off. My pride is just too high. Normally I would act clingly, hard to let go, being miserable and sadly pathetic. Things go very wrong and suffocating for long long time. Until it is too late that I have wasting time to man, who does not deserve my time at all. Stupid, pathetic pride. I screw it.