Music-me and him

Indeed, i can’t live without music. I don’t play instrument nor sing. One of my students said, my voice ruined the world :)) I listen to music very often. It’s in the blood. It seems that I get along with it very well. Some could even describe my feeling, what I thought, what I wish, things exactly play out in my mind I cannot spill out. With music I can go silent while letting my self wandering around sometimes beyond clouds. Again, it’s the music in my brain.

The one who was a boy I was in love with now turned out to be a handsome man and still giving me weak at my knees is a man with music in his soul too. Well he plays instrument. Which is very good. To me, a man with music instrument is a man with sensitivity. And that guitar one is so much better. I remembered once I knew he plays guitar, I smiled. Suddenly somewhere at the corner of my heart warmth. There he was in our capitol city. I thought I have lost him. In our last meeting, like 6-7 years ago, was a pain. I felt like I am the one who wanted to see him while he’s not. Yet I still could not be able to erase him completely off my heart and my mind. Not even after 15 years.

Now I’m scared. I am confused. And worse, I am obsessed. I dont want to loose him not before he knows what I feel for him. But I guess it is too late. I feel weak again in my knees. I am in love again. And I feel hate again for he’s making my head up side down. Getting closer to him I feel like I loose my self unconciously open to him. Naked with no skin. He goes right under my skin. Sometimes I just wanna go run and cry whenever I badly miss him. And that was the time for music (and also sport). There I am. Alone with my music until everything go normal again and I regain my power to say I miss you to him. Something I cannot do when I got so intensed missing him.

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